Raw & Real Motherhood: Unsolicited Advice
Next in the Raw & Real series is Faith. Mama of three and Mumfluencer.
Opinions are like a*seholes...
If I had a penny for every time someone had an opinion on me, my body & my pregnancy I would be a multi-millionaire living on a super yacht, sipping a non-alcoholic cocktail with my middle finger in the air in the middle of the Caribbean right now. TRUST ME.
Now, when I found out I was pregnant, even before. I set SO many boundaries that I thought would be absolutely bullet proof. First of all, we swore to never tell anyone about the pregnancy until we found out the gender at an early scan. Why? The. Pressure.
We have two girls, & the expectation to “produce” a boy was overwhelming. Something that made me feel so nervous. I felt like I could prepare for the backlash this way. Wow I’ve just read that back? Savage but my reality.
We also swore we wouldn’t tell anyone our “due date”. Again to stop the comments. Isn’t it so annoying?
Less than 4% women give birth on their due date.
This didn’t work for us sadly I had people guessing my due date based on the size of my bump. Savage being six months pregnant and someone thinking you’re about to give birth. I also put boundaries in place like visitors after I had Sonny, something actually we stuck too & I’m so glad for my Taurus stubborn ass. I thought I put boundaries in place online, like stating not to provide me with unsolicited, unasked for advice. However unfortunately the majority of the worlds population ignored that. “You need too”. “You must”. Constantly being told to me, like I’d never had children before.
I don’t think there was a day in my pregnancy that my body wasn’t commented on.
You’re so big. Ouch that’s going to hurt. You poor thing. Get induced. You must be ready to pop. You’re massive. The looks, the stares. Whether it be at the checkouts of a supermarket, someone online, someone passing in the street, my midwife wanting to send me for growth scans constantly (of which I refused - this would only instil total fear into me that I was incapable).
I’m 5ft1 and naturally petite. For some reason being pregnant gives a lot of people a free pass to comment on a woman’s body. Never would they do this before? Please know, if you’re currently having others opinions pushed upon you like you’re “big”. Know that your baby is the perfect size for your body. Read that again. It’s no design flaw. Our bodies can not create and grow a baby that’s “too” big. We are designed to birth our babies, whatever size.
Another thing...
The age gap. I constantly felt judged. I was asked if my baby was an accident or a mistake. I was asked if “he” was the same father to the older two. There was an age gap of seven years so it must be a different relationship. Every midwife appointment it was always said “different daddy isn’t it?”. Read the damn notes.
If you want to know about the age gap, & you asked from a genuine place then I would tell you that I had such severe PND that I couldn’t look after my second baby, someone else had too. I slept for months other than seeing my psychiatrist. & that it’s taken years to work on my mindset, my mental health and that long to even consider the thought of another child.
Standing together
The sad thing is the majority of this came from mothers. Who I, also a mother, hold hands with. Stand with. Unite with. Let’s not judge, critique, assume. Let’s not comment on someone’s body. Surely we should be showering every pregnant woman with absolute love like the goddess they are and they deserve to know it.
Everyone’s got a story, some even still going through their story. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to support the mother. During pregnancy and beyond. Let’s be that village.
